Brave hearts of the coasts

I adore Newfoundlanders. All they ever do is complain. Sure, their collective debt approaches that of Greece’s in post-WWII Europe. Sure, their offshore fishery resembles a goldfish pond without the goldfish. And, sure, their country road system is only slightly better than Arkansas’s. Still, don’t they realize that their winter is the finest 10 months of their calendar year?

Now, a certain editorialist at the St. John’s Telegram waggishly posits the following: “I would like to offer some suggestions for the Newfoundland government to get us out of our awful financial predicament. First and foremost, sell Labrador to Quebec. They have always wanted Labrador, and already consider it theirs anyway. They even show no boundary between Labrador and Quebec on their maps, which are used in Quebec schools. Minimum price tag: $30 billion.”

Fine, but where does that leave New Brunswick in the grand scheme of territorial fire sales? How does this province secede from itself? Apparently, certain political leaders in California have a few ideas on this subject. In a deadly serious account, Ontario-based Tom McConnell writes in a recent post for iPolitics, “A lot of Californians are mad as hell. Some even say they’re not going to take it anymore. ‘It’ is the outcome of November’s presidential election. A network of Californians is organizing a secessionist movement; their goal is to take the state out of the United States altogether.

“Their movement is called #Calexit, as in #Brexit. Their inspiration is the growing gulf that separates them – politically, culturally, demographically – from the rest of the Union. Hillary Clinton outpolled Donald Trump by a two-to-one margin here. ‘Without California, Trump would have won the popular vote,’ tweeted conservative pundit and Trump critic David Frum [and to be clear, a natural-born Canadian]. The Golden State has a population of 39 million people ­– that’s more than any other state in the Union, more people than in all of Canada. Greater Los Angeles alone is home to close to 19 million people, a population greater than that of Ontario and Alberta combined.”

Mr. McConnell continues: “As Frum points out, those are numbers that come with economic clout – and Californians know it, too. The U.S. without California, Frum writes, would be world’s second-ranked technological power instead of the first. California boasts the world’s sixth largest economy – greater than the economies of France, Italy, South Korea or India. It’s also a global technological giant, home to the Silicon Valley and companies like Google, Apple, Cisco, Intel, Oracle and SpaceX.”

So, here’s a question Newfoundland, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia: How does the emerging nation of Calican sound? Think about it. Alaska sits like a joker’s hat at the top of Canada. No harm, no foul. Why not invite California into the national fold. They talk like us, they smoke weed like us, they embrace liberal causes like us. Their 39 million people would more than double our population. Hey, universal health care might even become a thing in the Great White (now slightly more diverse) North.

Selling Labrador to Quebec? Sure. But use the proceeds to incentivize the deal with California. Here’s 30 billion bucks, folks. Now bring us your lattes and film stars. Bring us your tariff-free Sonoma Valley wine. Bring us your electric cars. Bring us your herbalists and Hillary lovers. In return, we’ll send you our seal-flipper pie, our poutine and lobster, our herring, and, oh yes, our unemployed workers.

Does that sound like a good deal La-La Land? If it sounds especially outlandish, remember: So does Donald Trump.

Tagged ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: